My "True" Resume

I already have my Walter Mitty resume but this is different. This is me, tooting my own horn, without the pomp and frills that consumes the common resume.

• I’ve found that I’m well suited for carrying heavy things over long distances. Be they physical or emotional in nature.

• When dining with another person, I’m excellent at match their pace so our meals are finished at the same time, seemingly naturally.

• I pride myself on making one trip. Groceries, laundry, doesn't matter.

• I've purposely never dabbed nor used a fidget spinner. Somehow I feel those two go together.

• I'm really good at holding my bladder.

• I’m great at using my windshield wipers at an appropriate speed. Never too fast, never too infrequent. And I’m quite proud of the intentionality behind my high beam usage at night.

• While I enjoy helping those around me, I stick to my New England resolve when it comes to my own needs.

• I always put my shopping cart back in the corral and can often be seen putting others’ back as well.

• I’m exceptional at keeping secrets. Sources not available upon request.

• I can drink egg nog straight from the carton without the carton ever touching my lips.

• I can almost completely fight back tears while watching It's a Wonderful Life or Up.

• I try my very best not to correct people when I hear them say, Daylight Savings Time or Smokey the Bear. It's Daylight Saving Time and Smokey Bear.

• I don’t listen to people that tell me I can’t do something.

• I’m an expert at versatility. I agree with Robert A. Heinlein: “Specialization is for insects.”

*Yes. I know you’re not supposed to quote Wikipedia but I think in this case, it’s a-ok.